February

february 3rd

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february 3rd -

We meet again in the melting month of February

I’ve experienced a lot now, I’m not an innocent starlet anymore

I’m not a fragile monarch that would naively migrate to wherever you would spontaneously want us to be

Together

Apart

Across the city

In a different state

I now awaken without the hope of seeing your bedroom eyes next to mine

I now awaken without the hope of seeing your name on my phone screen

I escaped your grasp, welcoming embrace from another

All the intimacy that has accumulated in my life in the past few months has strictly been platonic

It’s odd to think back to a time where that was the only type of intimacy I knew

I felt

I gave

I received

Now I walk down the street with a void in my palm and in-between my fingers

A strange longing that’s been stuck in my chest that feels like an italic and bold question mark

I wouldn’t say that I’m in search for a new lover or a replacement

But my everyday reactions and observations constantly remind me that

I do not have a hand to hold

A smile to kiss

Eyes to fall in love with

Another psyche to care for

We are both different now, you’ve drifted off into a guiltful high

I question whether or not to look at you forgivingly and give you the compassion you failed to give me

I suppose we shall see if my eyes flutter open again when we return back to our “hello”s and “how are ya”s

If your curiosity fills that void I’ve seemed to misplace

We meet again, with aged words and sorrow filled souls

february 24th

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february 24th -

We went a little past “hello” and “how are ya”

I acquaintanced your bedroom eyes once more

I do not tense up when I see your name pop up onto my screen

We danced to music in your kitchen last night

No, I am not in love

But I am convinced that there is something in the world that has infinitely tied us together

For better or for worse